Getting Started With IFS Therapy

IFS stands for Internal Family Systems, and is a lens through which I work with clients to help them better understand themselves and others. One way to describe IFS is to imagine that inside of each of us is a cast of characters which are often referred to as “parts.” Each of these parts has a distinct role in our lives, and serves to protect us from uncomfortable or unwelcome feelings. These different protectors look different in each of us, and they’re born out of a need to cope with something in our environment. Sometimes, these protectors help us to get things done in life, and sometimes, they stand in the way of connection. In therapy, we can get to know these parts and consider new ways of living with them

IFS therapy can be effective with children as well as adults, couples, and families. I’ve noticed that when other types of therapy are not achieving the outcomes that a person is looking for, IFS is often a great next step. Paired with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and or Polyvagal Theory, IFS looks underneath the problem to better understand what’s going on. Connecting with how our bodies respond to stress or everyday life events can be illuminating. Together, we’ll begin to chart a new path forward.

IFS is an excellent tool for re-wiring your system when you’ve experienced acute or chronic anxiety or depression. One of the ways that IFS is helpful with these common conditions is that it allows a person to feel some distance between their protective anxious or depressive parts and become curious about what that part is searching for. IFS therapy allows a person to see that their anxiety or depression is not ALL of who they are, but rather a part that may have grown too big and is overwhelming the rest of a person’s system. Once these dominant parts feel acknowledged, they’re often more willing to step aside and make space for the other parts of ourselves.

While every session is different, I like to think of our time together as creating a space where we can start noticing patterns in your life. Clients are open to talk about whatever is on their mind, and instead of only venting or thinking about what’s been challenging them, we’ll explore assumptions, intentions, and be curious about where habits of thinking come from. From there, we get to know different parts, and validate their motivations. Being able to notice when a protector part is leading your thinking and actions is one of the goals of IFS; we call this “unblending” when we acknowledge that this part is not all of you, but instead a protective response. With this information in hand, you have a newly discovered choice of how you want to move through life. You may choose to follow the defensive response of the protector, or step away from the protector and explore the space inside you that feels calm and confident.

The six Fs of IFS provides a helpful framework for understanding and working with your different parts.

1. Find

   • The first step is to find the different “parts” that make up your internal system. Through a process of self-exploration and introspection we discover who is inside of you.

2. Focus

   • Once you have identified your parts, it is important to focus on each one individually. This will help you better understand each unique perspective, belief, and emotion.

3. Flesh out

   • The next step is to flesh out each part by giving it a name and identifying its characteristics. This will help you better understand how each part functions within your internal system.

4. Feel toward

   • It is important to start developing a feeling toward each of your parts. This can be done by exploring your emotions towards each part and considering how each part feels towards you.

5. Befriend

   • This step aims to develop a more positive relationship with each of your parts through practicing forgiveness, compassion, and understanding.

6. Fear

   • The final step is to work through any fears you may have about your parts or your internal system. This includes addressing fears that may hinder you from developing a healthy relationship with your parts.

The 8 Cs of the self leadership are helpful in allowing us to notice when we are being led by our “true selves’, rather than a protector or a defense mechanism. They can help people regulate their thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

1. Compassion

2. Curiosity

3. Calmness

4. Clarity

5. Courage

6. Confidence

7. Creativity

8. Connectedness

Noticing when you’re being led by the 8 C's can help people better understand how to regulate their bodies and feel more in control of their emotions. Here, a person can begin to heal, grow, and transform. For example, people with ADHD can use the 8 C's to be more centered and grounded in stressful situations.